For My Kids

Hey Baby,

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’m about to tell you.  I just want to give you words of wisdom from a girl who has lived a lot of life to a girl who is just getting started.  You are getting to the age where you are starting to think about forever.  Every guy could be “the one”, and you may think you’ve already met him.  Maybe you have, and even if you haven’t, you should think about every guy you date as if he could be “the one”.  There are a lot of things you wouldn’t necessarily think about right now, but will be unbelievably important as you get older with the one you love.  These are a few of those things:

1. 1.      Love is not enough.  Times are going to get tough, no matter who you choose to spend the rest of your life with.  You need to have a solid friendship and solid commitment to each other that you’re going to tough out even when you don’t feel like you love each other.  You owe that to your marriage, your spouse, and your kids.
2. 2.    Any guy might seem good enough when there’s nothing at stake, but when you’re married and trying to buy a house (or even rent an apartment) and pay all the bills, you want someone who is willing to work their butt off to take care of you, and eventually you and your kids.  A guy who doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life and is kind of wishy-washy about his future is perfectly fine.  He is still growing and maturing, but he is DEFINITELY not ready for commitment.  He is NOT READY for marriage and a family.  You might think, “Oh, that’s ok.  I’ll support the family while he’s figuring it out.”  But that will get really old really fast.  You will eventually lose all respect for him and things will go south when he spends months and years taking a class or two of college, jumping from dead-end job to dead-end job, and having no ambition about his future.  Keep dating, and if things don’t change, move on.  You want a guy who is ready to commit, who is ready to be a man, and who wants to be in charge of his home.  You might know the guy, but maybe he needs time.  Don’t be scared to wait. 
3. 3.    You will eventually want a guy who will be a spiritual leader of your home.  That may seem so unimportant to you right now, but trust me, when you have that precious baby in your arms that you love so much, you will want the very, very best for him or her.  You will want this child to be raised in a home where they know God loves them and who have parents who will guide them to Christ.  Not because it’s, “what you’re supposed to do,” but because God is waiting, aching to love on that baby, that toddler, that child, that pre-teen, that teenager, that adult, and who wants him/her to know Him and know His love.  You want a guy who will lead your child and your family to this.
4. 4.    Wait for a guy who will give his life, his everything for you.  You are created to be loved, to be cherished.  God created you exactly the way He wanted you to be.  You don’t need to change who you are to please someone else.  That’s not to say that you don’t want to be a good spouse, but if someone is treating you poorly, you don’t have to put up with it.  Wait for someone who loves you for exactly who you are.  You are beautiful, you are important, you are wonderful, you are loved.  Don’t change that for a guy who has no appreciation for who you are.
5. 5.    When you get married, give yourself completely to your mate.  Don’t hold back.  Love him well.  Make him know every day that he is important to you and you are thinking about ways to make him feel loved, respected, cherished.
6. 6.    When you are married, every day be the person you would want to come home to.  Would you want to come home to someone nagging, complaining, whining, bitter, angry?  No?  Neither would he.
7. 7.    You, as a wife and mother, have the power to set the atmosphere in your home.  If you live in a world of sadness, despair, depression, negativity, this will set the mood in your home.  I have learned this the hard way.  I realized after way too long that I lived in a world where I only focused on the things that were broken, that were missing, and I shifted our family into a life of no joy.  We became broken and dysfunctional.  I have so much regret about this, but I’m so thankful that God woke me up before it was too late.  I had a chance to change this before you guys left, and we have all become so much closer. 
8. 8.    Spend time in God’s Word and in prayer.  This may not seem like a big deal in this time in your life, but as you get older, you will learn that this is as important as sleep, as food, as breathing.  It will change your outlook on life because you will see God everywhere you look.  It will give you love where you could have never loved on your own.   It will give you peace when the world is crumbling around you.  It will give you hope when your future may seem hopeless. It will give you a warm blanket of love when you feel like there is no one in the world who really loves you.  God loves you.  He wants a relationship with you.  Invest in Him.  It’s so worth it.

I’m sure there’s more I will have to say at some point, but you’re growing up, Baby.  I know you are looking to your future, and I want you to benefit from the things I’ve learned.  Hopefully you can avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made, and live a life of few regrets (there’s no way to have no regrets). 

I love you so, so, so much.